Sunday, August 29, 2010

Twenty Five

I remember when I was about 11 years old I started to have visions and dreams of a beautiful baby boy. In them I was his mother. I would have these visions and dreams often for years and years. So much so that I knew it was always the same baby boy appearing to me. I could see his features clearly as if I was holding him in my arms in real life. I was always extremely happy in the visions and dreams. You can say that since I was 11 years old that I always knew I was going to give birth to a baby boy. Twenty five years ago today my son was born. There were complications when I went into labor and an emergency C-section had to be performed. My baby boy was rushed to intensive care and I was very ill with a stomach lining infection. We were both so sick that I didn't get to see him until the next day! And we both had to stay in the hospital for seven days.
The next day I finally got to see Jimmy and sure enough, he looked just like the baby in my visions and dreams. I mean Exactly! It's like he was letting me know he was coming to me one day. :-)
Life hasn't been easy but I've always felt so blessed to have him in my life. He is the most precious gift God has given me. And he's grown into this remarkable, kind, funny, talented, intelligent, morally upright and hard working man. I never could have asked for a better son.
Happy 25th Birthday Jimmy!
I love you and I am so very proud of you!


Sunday, August 22, 2010

C.O.P.D. Here Is My Middle Finger

C.O.P.D. stands for Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.

I thought people who smoked all of their lives were the only ones who could get C.O.P.D. but these past few weeks have proved me wrong. I have received my final diagnosis from my Pulmonary Specialist this week and it's that I have C.O.P.D. but not because of smoking (I NEVER smoked...NEVER!) but it's due to the severe asthma I've been having. It is so ironic! I abhor smoking! I loathe it! I'm allergic to it! I leave when people smoke around me and still I...I ended up with C.O.P.D.! What a bitch of a curve life just threw me. BUT at least, finally I know what I have now. I knew, just knew something else was wrong with me. That it wasn't just asthma. At least now I don't feel like I'm crazy. At least no one can say I've been faking it. At least now I can learn how to treat it and not end up in the hospital again with the most shallow breath you can have without passing out.
At least.
I know I'm going to have good days and bad days. Today isn't one of my good days. I'm out of breath and have chest pains again so I have to take it easy and take the albuterol every 4 hours without fail. If I really think about it, it isn't so bad. Well, I'm telling myself that today. I've been listening to music all day because it helps me from hitting the wall on my depression.
I am tired of having to take it easy.
I'm tired of being out of breath.
I wish I was healthier.
Hello C.O.P.D. Meet my middle finger!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Five Days After

Five days after my release from the hospital, I am feeling more normal physically than I have in months! I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to do anything at all and not get out of breath. Well, okay, most of you already know how it feels to be able to breathe without severe asthma, but I had it so badly that I could not remember how it felt to breathe without any difficulty. I am forever grateful for the prayers from family, friends and twitter, for the Eucharistic Ministers who gave me Holy Communion in my room & prayed with me, and the hospital staff for helping me recover both physically, and spiritually during my stay last week. All of you who helped with what I just mentioned; I carry you in my heart and prayers forever.
This Friday I will have my first appointment with the pulmonologist who I hope will keep me breathing well from now on.
As for being home and recovering...that's always a drag. I'm sun-sensitive with the medications I'm taking so I can only go out early in the day or at night time. R and my son have been renting movies from the Red Box, which I think is our new love, heh! And I have books to do research with.
And then....there is the shadow man making his appearance again. I saw him as soon as I arrived home from the hospital that night. I sat in my recliner and he walked right in front of the front door again. It was kind of like a welcome home thing...I think. I also saw...well, I'm not sure exactly what it was, but it was the third time I saw being a shadowy figure that was...Orange! Yeah, orange. I know. Weird, right? I remember the first time I saw this orange figure. My son had come home and walked across the room which was two room in front of me and then I saw an orange figure walk behind him. My son walked back the opposite way to his room and I waited for the orange figure to walk after him...thinking of course that it was a friend of my son's wearing an orange jacket. My son came back to say bye to me and I asked him where his friend was. He gave me a weird look and said no one came in with him so I told him what I saw and he got a little weirded out that something was following him. The second time I saw this orange figure it was around some other family members in the same room...the dining room. I still don't know what it is. It is slightly human form but not quite, but it also moves quickly so it's hard to see the complete shape. Sometimes I wonder if it is an angel but I have no way of know for sure. But it also seemed to welcome me back last week when I returned from the hospital. Heck, it's always nice to be welcomed home! :-)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Healthier Foodie

Top Photo: Last nights healthy herbed chicken with fresh stir-fry veggies.
Bottom Photo: The nutrition books from the library that I'm doing my research with from.

It's a little sad that it took me getting so sick last week for it to finally register in my mind how desperately I need to eat healthier. Everything just clicked for me. I get it now. There is no going back to the bad eating habits this time. If I can help it, I will never get that sick from asthma again! Who knew your diet could affect asthma? Not me. I was never told that before last week in the emergency room. I feel a little dumb for not knowing but I'm gonna make up for it now. I've checked out a few books from the library on nutrition...a subject apparently I feel I know Nothing about since I never studied it nor lived a healthy lifestyle. Okay, I knew eating vegetables and fruit was a good thing but I never stopped eating all the fattening crap I was raised with either! My mom's motto is eat what makes you happy...something I've apparently lived by my whole life. But I'm an adult so I can't blame my mom anymore for my unhealthy eating habits. I could have done the research but did not, but I'm going to research my ass off now on nutrition. Good thing I love to research! Good thing I'm ready for this change now.
I still consider myself a foodie since I love to eat but I'm shifting into a healthier eating foodie.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Hospital Stay Part 2

So I've been home recovering since being discharged from the hospital this past Thursday night. I never received a full diagnosis when I left because the pulmonologist didn't see me in person my last day and instead discharged me over the phone with the nurses. I had three specialists overseeing my care in the hospital. One was a fluid specialist (I don't know the technical term), another was a cardiologist and the main doctor was the lung specialist/pulmonologist.

As I've said many times before, I've been having a terrible time with my asthma this season. So much so that while I'm awake I seem to stop breathing every once in a while for a few seconds. My M.D. thought it might be a form of sleep apnea but all the doctors in the E.R. said it can't be that if you are awake. Ha! I knew it! Turns out it was all the fluid in my lungs that had been building up over time. For a moment the doctors thought that I might have C.O.P.D.! And I've never smoked! In fact I hate smoking with a passion, so the thought that I might have that baffled everyone. I was asked a ton of questions about myself and family members and I remembered that my mom used to smoke when we were all little kids. The doctors then said that I probably was more sensitive to her second hand smoke and even though I didn't have asthma as a child that is why I have asthma now. Oh well!

I was very lucky that I was in such a good hospital. I've been in county hospital in Los Angeles, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone! But the staff here was wonderful, kind, and helped me to breathe easier as soon as they possibly could.
I've made a check up appointment with the pulmonologist that treated me in the hospital so we can see if there is a way we can keep my asthma from getting so bad that fluid fills my lungs. Gosh, I hope so! I'd rather never ever go through that again! Not only was it hard on me physically but it took a toll on my family members as well. I also learned that asthma is a form of lung disease so I think finally seeing a specialist in this field will help me greatly.
Right now the plan is to stay on a low-sodium diet so it will help my body Not to retain water anywhere and cutting sugar out so I can lose and get to a healthy weight that would also help me not to get so sick with the asthma.
So far so good on the healthier eating!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Hospital Stay

Hey boys & girls, I'm alive but I've been in the hospital since Monday afternoon. R brought me to the emergency with shallow breathing. They ran a slew of tests on me and so far I've been told I had a lot of fluid in my left lung and around my heart and a severe case of asthma. No wonder I couldn't breathe well, huh? The fluid is lessening in my lung but there is still fluid around my heart and so far all 3 doctors that are caring for me can not figure out the reason for this and are keeping me here til they get an answer. They've done many x-rays, CT Scan, and two Echo Cardio Grams, along with the many many blood tests. I've been on oxygen since my arrival on Monday and I'm getting my asthma medication through a nebulizer every few hours so my breathing is much better, yay hospital staff! I'm on antibiotics, prednisone, a diurectic to get rid of the fluid, a high blood pressure medicine because it was sky high which is unusual. Anyway, the hospital staff is taking great care of me but I wish I could go home soon. Please keep me in your prayers and as soon as I can blog or tweet again, I'll update you on my health. BTW, the hospital blocks twitter and facebook on laptops here so I'm blogging for now on R's laptop when he brings it. I might be able to tweet from my son's phone...we will see.
Bye for now and I'm sharing a couple of pics of me and my hospital room.