Hectic

My life has been up in the air since early summer.
I have so much going on that I don't have time to write and I wouldn't know where to begin either!
But I can try to write a summary list:

1. House I lived in for 13 years started foreclosure. No, I didn't own it.
2. Looking for a new place to live with our dog...which proved to be Not easy at all.
3. My one and only child...okay adult child...moved out on his own and that was a doozy to deal with at first but I'm okay about it now.
4. Had the worst asthma of my life this past summer and was hospitalized for it. Was diagnosed with C.O.P.D. and severe asthma. No, I never smoked either.
5. R turned 50 and my son turned 25.
6. We found a place to move in to but we can't yet. Hopefully very very soon.
7. Doctors say I have to lose weight for my health but I've hardly lost any weight.
8. Exhaustion due to health reason, emotional reasons and life kicking me in the ass non stop
9. Paranormal stuff happening more often. Wish I had time to write about it.
10. Realizing that after 13 years of living in one place that I have accumulated way too much shit! *sigh*

That pretty much sums it all up.
I hope I can blog more very soon too. I miss it.

Wordless Wednesday 10/13/10 Foggy Morning

For Where Art Thou Sister

Yesterday, October 09, was my sister's birthday.
She turned 46 years old.
No one in my family knows where she is or has been for the last few months.
She has, for reasons unknown, successfully vanished entirely from our lives.
She will not answer emails. She has moved without telling us so of course we do not know where she is living now. She changed her phone number. Turned out that none of us had her work phone number nor did we know the name of the company where she worked!
I know it sounds strange now but she and I were not close. She would never return my phone calls when I left her a message. She would only call me when she needed my help. She and our brother were not close either, so I don't think they spoke on the phone at all. But I was shocked to find out that our mother didn't have her work information. Especially since I knew she has talked to my sister during the work day many times. When I asked my mom about this she said my sister would call her from work but block her work phone number. How odd. Even odder that my mom never mentioned that or the fact that she didn't have my sister's work company name till my sister went missing.
My sister has always had issues. She's had nervous breakdowns too.
There have been times when I've watched her dog for a weekend and she's come to pick her up and then my sister will act like she extremely pissed off with me. It's hard to deal with.
But she is my sister and I love her and I miss her. I hope she is okay and well and that one day she will come back.
Our mother thinks she came into a lot of money and this is why she has disappeared. My brother thinks our sister disappeared because our mom can no longer help our sister financially.
Me? I had a theory but I am no longer going to pretend that I have any idea what is going on in her head.
Happy 46th Birthday Sis! I hope it was a good one where ever you are.

Carbos Much?

Yesterday was my 1 month check up with Dr. L, my primary doctor.
At home my scale said I didn't lose any weight but the doctor's scale said I lost 3 pounds!
Yippee!
I so thought this was a victory for me! I didn't gain, I lost! Woohoo!
Dr. L thought I should have lost more in the past month. I agreed but I told her it wasn't as easy for me as it is for her to keep weight off. I've had an entire life time of eating what I want, when I want. And now I have to lose weight for my health. Specifically for my sleep apnea to go away so I can get a better nights sleep Annnd in the process, Dr. L says I will finally stop falling asleep during the day for hours and hours. Mmmhmmm. That's what she says. And she knows I don't entirely believe her on that, but I also said I'll do things her way in hopes that she is correct and weighing less will make me sleep, and feel better.
Dr. L's plan is for me to eat no more than 100 grams of carbohydrates per day.
Do you know how many things have carbos? Just about Everything dammit!
And with that new knowledge, I realized that I L-O-V-E carbos!! I've lived for carbos my entire life! Now I'm supposed to have next to no carbos? Yeahhaha! Much easier said than done Doc!
She was nice enough to give me flash cards (with pictures no less) that tells which food have carbos AND how many grams of carbos....so this is supposed to make it easier. Sure it does. Well, in theory it does. In my reality? Not so much Doc!
But I am trying. Really I am!

I Need One Day

I don't know exactly what is wrong with me lately.
I don't want to say that I am depressed.
I feel like I am more in a funk.
I Need a Fun Day!
I Need a Disneyland or Universal Studios day!
I'll take any amusement park day.
I just need to forget all the worry and bitchiness of the world for 1 day.
That's all I ask.
One day where the heaviness of life, my life, isn't weighing down on my shoulders.
One day when I didn't have to worry about where we will live and who will "allow" our Dog who is our baby to live with us.
One day where family or strangers didn't try to control my life.
One day where I didn't have to worry if I am losing weight for my healths sake, or if my blood pressure is normal, or if I am going to have to yet again deal with another day of migraine pain.
If I didn't have to worry that the tooth that broke almost two years ago is infected because it started hurting again and I don't have dental insurance to have it looked at.
I don't want to feel bad that I have to borrow money to buy new eyeglasses so I can see correctly again. Just so I can FUCKIN' SEE correctly AGAIN!!
To Not be pissed that I still don't have any health insurance of any kind.
One day not to cry about the people that I can not help, the state of the world, our country, and the evil people who get away with their evil doings.
One day where karma actually did work.
One day where everyone in the world was kind and compassionate with each other....
Okay, I admit THAT will probably never happen...but wouldn't it be nice?
*sigh*
*deep breath*
Hmmmm.....

I don't know if what I just wrote will make any sense to anyone but it doesn't matter.
I do feel better now.
Like something lifted from me and I soooooo needed that break in life.
Maybe I should blog more often?
Hmmm, that's a thought.

Who Said That?

Last night I was washing the dishes and R was with the Dog in the family room which is right next to the kitchen. The Dog was lying on the floor in front of R while he was on his laptop. The only noise that could be heard was the kitchen faucet running. I was nearing the end of dish washing and had just picked up a glass made out of glass to wash, when all of a sudden I hear a voice right behind me. It was a loud gut wrenching voice that sounded like an "UH!"
I thought R had snuck up behind me and was trying to scare me. At the same time I almost dropped the glass glass in the sink! Immediately I turned around and said, "what was that?" And guess what? No one was there! I assumed R quickly dashed out of the room, so I shout it louder at him, "what was that?!?!" Still no answer. So I walked into the family room to find the Dog and R in there and I shouted again, "What the hell was that?!?!"
Finally R answers me and said, "I thought that was you saying something Even the Dog heard it and looked up from her nap towards the kitchen!"
Me: "No Way! I didn't say anything! It sounded like you snuck up behind me and yelled something to scare me!"
R: "No, it wasn't me! I thought you said something because it sounded like it was coming from where you were standing in front of the sink!"
Me: "I was at the sink washing dishes and all of a sudden I hear that voice say something right behind me rather loudly so I thought it was you!"
R: "No, I just said it wasn't me! And if it wasn't you, who said that?"
Me: "Are you sure it wasn't you?"
R: "No, I'm not kidding, it wasn't me! And the Dog heard it too!"
Me: "Oh sh*t! Then who said that?"
R: "That's what I want to know! What did it sound like to you? Because to me it was definitely a voice."
Me: "Yeah, it was definitely a voice! It sounded like a very loud guttural "UH!" AND it was right behind me!"
R: "It sounded like that to me too. Well, that's something...that all three of us heard it at the same time."
Me: "Yeah, but...who or what said it?"
At that moment I got chills and started shaking a bit. And it takes a lot to creep me out!
I finished the dishes but I kept looking over my shoulder til I was done.
R says it was like someone was being mischievous with me.
We still don't know who or what that voice was but later on last night we did see some shadow people. I saw one in the kitchen/dining room area and R saw one by the front door.
Last night was a very weird night to say the least.

Twenty Five

I remember when I was about 11 years old I started to have visions and dreams of a beautiful baby boy. In them I was his mother. I would have these visions and dreams often for years and years. So much so that I knew it was always the same baby boy appearing to me. I could see his features clearly as if I was holding him in my arms in real life. I was always extremely happy in the visions and dreams. You can say that since I was 11 years old that I always knew I was going to give birth to a baby boy. Twenty five years ago today my son was born. There were complications when I went into labor and an emergency C-section had to be performed. My baby boy was rushed to intensive care and I was very ill with a stomach lining infection. We were both so sick that I didn't get to see him until the next day! And we both had to stay in the hospital for seven days.
The next day I finally got to see Jimmy and sure enough, he looked just like the baby in my visions and dreams. I mean Exactly! It's like he was letting me know he was coming to me one day. :-)
Life hasn't been easy but I've always felt so blessed to have him in my life. He is the most precious gift God has given me. And he's grown into this remarkable, kind, funny, talented, intelligent, morally upright and hard working man. I never could have asked for a better son.
Happy 25th Birthday Jimmy!
I love you and I am so very proud of you!

Love,
Mom
:-)