Human Sacrifice Or?

So far the Angel of death's aka N's visit is going smoothly. No deaths and no illnesses and no injuries. Yay! When I saw N on Christmas Eve she looked basically the same only her hair was dyed blond and she still looked anorexic to me. She gave me a hug and a kiss hello then claimed not to remember me at all, lol! I thought that was funny because I had never forgotten her and she did stay at my house one whole summer when I was 11 years old. Oh well. Later on that evening N handed me a Christmas gift that she said was mine from her. I thought, "how could she get me a gift if she didn't remember me?" But I was polite about it, smiled and said thank you very much. It was a a coin purse from Mexico. I looked at it again yesterday and I'm not sure what the picture on it is. To me it kind of looks like on the left a man playing a drum and on the right a human sacrifice is taking place. I know. I would see that. And to R sees the man playing the drum on the left but he says the man on the right is playing some kind of an instrument.
What do you see?
A human sacrifice?
Or Musicians?
:-)

The Angel Of Death Is Visiting Us For Christmas

Our family has this family friend from Mexico who I remember visiting us since I was a child. I'll call her N. N is actually the child of a good friend of my 86 year old Aunt C. I remember N sometime stayed at our house. She was anorexic back then. I remember seeing her bones stick out in the oddest places. N would take a tall glass, put a tiny amount of orange juice in, then fill the rest with water and that would be her breakfast. Everyone would try to get her to eat more and no one ever succeeded. I was sure she was going to make herself ill or worse. The last time I saw N was when I was 19 years old. My Aunt C kept in touch with her all these years through letters (snail mail...I know!) and we heard about her life through my aunt. Eventually she got married and had two sons. She's a teaches English. And I'm guessing she's not anorexic anymore. N is at least 10 years older than I am and I just turned 50 this month. A few weeks ago we got word that N's sons are sending her here for a visit this week and she'll be staying with my 86 year old Aunt C. It's nice and strange at the same time. Strange because my aunt can no longer drive, hear or see like she used to. She is also always getting sick, and falling down. Now maybe N doesn't know any of this? Okay, I can believe that my aunt never told her any of this, but N should have taken into account that Aunt C is 86 Years Old and probably can't do a lot of things she used to be able to do! Right?
Then we found out that N is arriving at L.A.X. at 11:30P.M.! Did she think my 86 Year Old aunt was going to be able to pick her up at that time? That she would be safe? Seriously, what is this woman thinking?! Obviously she is not. My aunt asked my brother if he would pick N up at that time and he agreed.
Now here is the even stranger part to this story....
My Aunt C told the family that every time N visited us, that someone in our family dies!
*silent pause*
Yes, dies!
Aunt C named a few names but the last two times N visited I knew the people who died.
One was my grandmother aka my mom's and Aunt C's mother and the other was my grandfather aka my mom's and Aunt C's father!
Holy Shit! That's what I said!
Then my mother said, "oh my gosh, N is the angel of death! And now she's coming to visit your Aunt C and your Aunt C's health is failing, What if your Aunt C dies during N's visit? Oh my gosh, she's the angel of death!!!"
Well, I've been hearing my mom call N the angel of death too many times now and needless to say it's destroyed every last nerve I've had. I've told her to call N up and tell her not to come over but she says it's not her place. I said I'll do it but she won't give me her number and I don't know N's last name or the city she lives in. Oh why didn't I pay closer attention to those letters aunt C told me about.
*deep breath*
Okay. Okay. Maybe panic mode isn't the way to go here, right? Maybe those deaths and N's visits are just coincidences? Yes, they have to be...they have to be...they have to be....
And I believe in Santa Claus too.
Merry Christmas Everyone!

Wordless Wednesday - My Furry Angel

PleaseNoMoStress

Dear Familia, Let us not bother with the buying of Christmas gifts this year due to this year being so fucking stressful in more ways than one for all of us.
Seriously, if I had to go shopping this December I know I would have to rip everyone at the stores a New One because I know I can Not take any more stress than I've already had to deal with in 2010. So for the safety of others out there and for my sanity and maybe yours too, let us forget about the Christmas shopping and just focus on the Christmas day, okay?

Thanks/Love,
Susan

Hectic

My life has been up in the air since early summer.
I have so much going on that I don't have time to write and I wouldn't know where to begin either!
But I can try to write a summary list:

1. House I lived in for 13 years started foreclosure. No, I didn't own it.
2. Looking for a new place to live with our dog...which proved to be Not easy at all.
3. My one and only child...okay adult child...moved out on his own and that was a doozy to deal with at first but I'm okay about it now.
4. Had the worst asthma of my life this past summer and was hospitalized for it. Was diagnosed with C.O.P.D. and severe asthma. No, I never smoked either.
5. R turned 50 and my son turned 25.
6. We found a place to move in to but we can't yet. Hopefully very very soon.
7. Doctors say I have to lose weight for my health but I've hardly lost any weight.
8. Exhaustion due to health reason, emotional reasons and life kicking me in the ass non stop
9. Paranormal stuff happening more often. Wish I had time to write about it.
10. Realizing that after 13 years of living in one place that I have accumulated way too much shit! *sigh*

That pretty much sums it all up.
I hope I can blog more very soon too. I miss it.

Wordless Wednesday 10/13/10 Foggy Morning

For Where Art Thou Sister

Yesterday, October 09, was my sister's birthday.
She turned 46 years old.
No one in my family knows where she is or has been for the last few months.
She has, for reasons unknown, successfully vanished entirely from our lives.
She will not answer emails. She has moved without telling us so of course we do not know where she is living now. She changed her phone number. Turned out that none of us had her work phone number nor did we know the name of the company where she worked!
I know it sounds strange now but she and I were not close. She would never return my phone calls when I left her a message. She would only call me when she needed my help. She and our brother were not close either, so I don't think they spoke on the phone at all. But I was shocked to find out that our mother didn't have her work information. Especially since I knew she has talked to my sister during the work day many times. When I asked my mom about this she said my sister would call her from work but block her work phone number. How odd. Even odder that my mom never mentioned that or the fact that she didn't have my sister's work company name till my sister went missing.
My sister has always had issues. She's had nervous breakdowns too.
There have been times when I've watched her dog for a weekend and she's come to pick her up and then my sister will act like she extremely pissed off with me. It's hard to deal with.
But she is my sister and I love her and I miss her. I hope she is okay and well and that one day she will come back.
Our mother thinks she came into a lot of money and this is why she has disappeared. My brother thinks our sister disappeared because our mom can no longer help our sister financially.
Me? I had a theory but I am no longer going to pretend that I have any idea what is going on in her head.
Happy 46th Birthday Sis! I hope it was a good one where ever you are.

Carbos Much?

Yesterday was my 1 month check up with Dr. L, my primary doctor.
At home my scale said I didn't lose any weight but the doctor's scale said I lost 3 pounds!
Yippee!
I so thought this was a victory for me! I didn't gain, I lost! Woohoo!
Dr. L thought I should have lost more in the past month. I agreed but I told her it wasn't as easy for me as it is for her to keep weight off. I've had an entire life time of eating what I want, when I want. And now I have to lose weight for my health. Specifically for my sleep apnea to go away so I can get a better nights sleep Annnd in the process, Dr. L says I will finally stop falling asleep during the day for hours and hours. Mmmhmmm. That's what she says. And she knows I don't entirely believe her on that, but I also said I'll do things her way in hopes that she is correct and weighing less will make me sleep, and feel better.
Dr. L's plan is for me to eat no more than 100 grams of carbohydrates per day.
Do you know how many things have carbos? Just about Everything dammit!
And with that new knowledge, I realized that I L-O-V-E carbos!! I've lived for carbos my entire life! Now I'm supposed to have next to no carbos? Yeahhaha! Much easier said than done Doc!
She was nice enough to give me flash cards (with pictures no less) that tells which food have carbos AND how many grams of carbos....so this is supposed to make it easier. Sure it does. Well, in theory it does. In my reality? Not so much Doc!
But I am trying. Really I am!

I Need One Day

I don't know exactly what is wrong with me lately.
I don't want to say that I am depressed.
I feel like I am more in a funk.
I Need a Fun Day!
I Need a Disneyland or Universal Studios day!
I'll take any amusement park day.
I just need to forget all the worry and bitchiness of the world for 1 day.
That's all I ask.
One day where the heaviness of life, my life, isn't weighing down on my shoulders.
One day when I didn't have to worry about where we will live and who will "allow" our Dog who is our baby to live with us.
One day where family or strangers didn't try to control my life.
One day where I didn't have to worry if I am losing weight for my healths sake, or if my blood pressure is normal, or if I am going to have to yet again deal with another day of migraine pain.
If I didn't have to worry that the tooth that broke almost two years ago is infected because it started hurting again and I don't have dental insurance to have it looked at.
I don't want to feel bad that I have to borrow money to buy new eyeglasses so I can see correctly again. Just so I can FUCKIN' SEE correctly AGAIN!!
To Not be pissed that I still don't have any health insurance of any kind.
One day not to cry about the people that I can not help, the state of the world, our country, and the evil people who get away with their evil doings.
One day where karma actually did work.
One day where everyone in the world was kind and compassionate with each other....
Okay, I admit THAT will probably never happen...but wouldn't it be nice?
*sigh*
*deep breath*
Hmmmm.....

I don't know if what I just wrote will make any sense to anyone but it doesn't matter.
I do feel better now.
Like something lifted from me and I soooooo needed that break in life.
Maybe I should blog more often?
Hmmm, that's a thought.

Who Said That?

Last night I was washing the dishes and R was with the Dog in the family room which is right next to the kitchen. The Dog was lying on the floor in front of R while he was on his laptop. The only noise that could be heard was the kitchen faucet running. I was nearing the end of dish washing and had just picked up a glass made out of glass to wash, when all of a sudden I hear a voice right behind me. It was a loud gut wrenching voice that sounded like an "UH!"
I thought R had snuck up behind me and was trying to scare me. At the same time I almost dropped the glass glass in the sink! Immediately I turned around and said, "what was that?" And guess what? No one was there! I assumed R quickly dashed out of the room, so I shout it louder at him, "what was that?!?!" Still no answer. So I walked into the family room to find the Dog and R in there and I shouted again, "What the hell was that?!?!"
Finally R answers me and said, "I thought that was you saying something Even the Dog heard it and looked up from her nap towards the kitchen!"
Me: "No Way! I didn't say anything! It sounded like you snuck up behind me and yelled something to scare me!"
R: "No, it wasn't me! I thought you said something because it sounded like it was coming from where you were standing in front of the sink!"
Me: "I was at the sink washing dishes and all of a sudden I hear that voice say something right behind me rather loudly so I thought it was you!"
R: "No, I just said it wasn't me! And if it wasn't you, who said that?"
Me: "Are you sure it wasn't you?"
R: "No, I'm not kidding, it wasn't me! And the Dog heard it too!"
Me: "Oh sh*t! Then who said that?"
R: "That's what I want to know! What did it sound like to you? Because to me it was definitely a voice."
Me: "Yeah, it was definitely a voice! It sounded like a very loud guttural "UH!" AND it was right behind me!"
R: "It sounded like that to me too. Well, that's something...that all three of us heard it at the same time."
Me: "Yeah, but...who or what said it?"
At that moment I got chills and started shaking a bit. And it takes a lot to creep me out!
I finished the dishes but I kept looking over my shoulder til I was done.
R says it was like someone was being mischievous with me.
We still don't know who or what that voice was but later on last night we did see some shadow people. I saw one in the kitchen/dining room area and R saw one by the front door.
Last night was a very weird night to say the least.

Twenty Five

I remember when I was about 11 years old I started to have visions and dreams of a beautiful baby boy. In them I was his mother. I would have these visions and dreams often for years and years. So much so that I knew it was always the same baby boy appearing to me. I could see his features clearly as if I was holding him in my arms in real life. I was always extremely happy in the visions and dreams. You can say that since I was 11 years old that I always knew I was going to give birth to a baby boy. Twenty five years ago today my son was born. There were complications when I went into labor and an emergency C-section had to be performed. My baby boy was rushed to intensive care and I was very ill with a stomach lining infection. We were both so sick that I didn't get to see him until the next day! And we both had to stay in the hospital for seven days.
The next day I finally got to see Jimmy and sure enough, he looked just like the baby in my visions and dreams. I mean Exactly! It's like he was letting me know he was coming to me one day. :-)
Life hasn't been easy but I've always felt so blessed to have him in my life. He is the most precious gift God has given me. And he's grown into this remarkable, kind, funny, talented, intelligent, morally upright and hard working man. I never could have asked for a better son.
Happy 25th Birthday Jimmy!
I love you and I am so very proud of you!

Love,
Mom
:-)

C.O.P.D. Here Is My Middle Finger

C.O.P.D. stands for Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.

I thought people who smoked all of their lives were the only ones who could get C.O.P.D. but these past few weeks have proved me wrong. I have received my final diagnosis from my Pulmonary Specialist this week and it's that I have C.O.P.D. but not because of smoking (I NEVER smoked...NEVER!) but it's due to the severe asthma I've been having. It is so ironic! I abhor smoking! I loathe it! I'm allergic to it! I leave when people smoke around me and still I...I ended up with C.O.P.D.! What a bitch of a curve life just threw me. BUT at least, finally I know what I have now. I knew, just knew something else was wrong with me. That it wasn't just asthma. At least now I don't feel like I'm crazy. At least no one can say I've been faking it. At least now I can learn how to treat it and not end up in the hospital again with the most shallow breath you can have without passing out.
At least.
I know I'm going to have good days and bad days. Today isn't one of my good days. I'm out of breath and have chest pains again so I have to take it easy and take the albuterol every 4 hours without fail. If I really think about it, it isn't so bad. Well, I'm telling myself that today. I've been listening to music all day because it helps me from hitting the wall on my depression.
I am tired of having to take it easy.
I'm tired of being out of breath.
I wish I was healthier.
Hello C.O.P.D. Meet my middle finger!

Five Days After

Five days after my release from the hospital, I am feeling more normal physically than I have in months! I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to do anything at all and not get out of breath. Well, okay, most of you already know how it feels to be able to breathe without severe asthma, but I had it so badly that I could not remember how it felt to breathe without any difficulty. I am forever grateful for the prayers from family, friends and twitter, for the Eucharistic Ministers who gave me Holy Communion in my room & prayed with me, and the hospital staff for helping me recover both physically, and spiritually during my stay last week. All of you who helped with what I just mentioned; I carry you in my heart and prayers forever.
This Friday I will have my first appointment with the pulmonologist who I hope will keep me breathing well from now on.
As for being home and recovering...that's always a drag. I'm sun-sensitive with the medications I'm taking so I can only go out early in the day or at night time. R and my son have been renting movies from the Red Box, which I think is our new love, heh! And I have books to do research with.
And then....there is the shadow man making his appearance again. I saw him as soon as I arrived home from the hospital that night. I sat in my recliner and he walked right in front of the front door again. It was kind of like a welcome home thing...I think. I also saw...well, I'm not sure exactly what it was, but it was the third time I saw it...it being a shadowy figure that was...Orange! Yeah, orange. I know. Weird, right? I remember the first time I saw this orange figure. My son had come home and walked across the room which was two room in front of me and then I saw an orange figure walk behind him. My son walked back the opposite way to his room and I waited for the orange figure to walk after him...thinking of course that it was a friend of my son's wearing an orange jacket. My son came back to say bye to me and I asked him where his friend was. He gave me a weird look and said no one came in with him so I told him what I saw and he got a little weirded out that something was following him. The second time I saw this orange figure it was around some other family members in the same room...the dining room. I still don't know what it is. It is slightly human form but not quite, but it also moves quickly so it's hard to see the complete shape. Sometimes I wonder if it is an angel but I have no way of know for sure. But it also seemed to welcome me back last week when I returned from the hospital. Heck, it's always nice to be welcomed home! :-)

Healthier Foodie

Top Photo: Last nights healthy herbed chicken with fresh stir-fry veggies.
Bottom Photo: The nutrition books from the library that I'm doing my research with from.

It's a little sad that it took me getting so sick last week for it to finally register in my mind how desperately I need to eat healthier. Everything just clicked for me. I get it now. There is no going back to the bad eating habits this time. If I can help it, I will never get that sick from asthma again! Who knew your diet could affect asthma? Not me. I was never told that before last week in the emergency room. I feel a little dumb for not knowing but I'm gonna make up for it now. I've checked out a few books from the library on nutrition...a subject apparently I feel I know Nothing about since I never studied it nor lived a healthy lifestyle. Okay, I knew eating vegetables and fruit was a good thing but I never stopped eating all the fattening crap I was raised with either! My mom's motto is eat what makes you happy...something I've apparently lived by my whole life. But I'm an adult so I can't blame my mom anymore for my unhealthy eating habits. I could have done the research but did not, but I'm going to research my ass off now on nutrition. Good thing I love to research! Good thing I'm ready for this change now.
I still consider myself a foodie since I love to eat but I'm shifting into a healthier eating foodie.
:-)

Hospital Stay Part 2

So I've been home recovering since being discharged from the hospital this past Thursday night. I never received a full diagnosis when I left because the pulmonologist didn't see me in person my last day and instead discharged me over the phone with the nurses. I had three specialists overseeing my care in the hospital. One was a fluid specialist (I don't know the technical term), another was a cardiologist and the main doctor was the lung specialist/pulmonologist.

As I've said many times before, I've been having a terrible time with my asthma this season. So much so that while I'm awake I seem to stop breathing every once in a while for a few seconds. My M.D. thought it might be a form of sleep apnea but all the doctors in the E.R. said it can't be that if you are awake. Ha! I knew it! Turns out it was all the fluid in my lungs that had been building up over time. For a moment the doctors thought that I might have C.O.P.D.! And I've never smoked! In fact I hate smoking with a passion, so the thought that I might have that baffled everyone. I was asked a ton of questions about myself and family members and I remembered that my mom used to smoke when we were all little kids. The doctors then said that I probably was more sensitive to her second hand smoke and even though I didn't have asthma as a child that is why I have asthma now. Oh well!

I was very lucky that I was in such a good hospital. I've been in county hospital in Los Angeles, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone! But the staff here was wonderful, kind, and helped me to breathe easier as soon as they possibly could.
I've made a check up appointment with the pulmonologist that treated me in the hospital so we can see if there is a way we can keep my asthma from getting so bad that fluid fills my lungs. Gosh, I hope so! I'd rather never ever go through that again! Not only was it hard on me physically but it took a toll on my family members as well. I also learned that asthma is a form of lung disease so I think finally seeing a specialist in this field will help me greatly.
Right now the plan is to stay on a low-sodium diet so it will help my body Not to retain water anywhere and cutting sugar out so I can lose and get to a healthy weight that would also help me not to get so sick with the asthma.
So far so good on the healthier eating!
:-)

Hospital Stay

Hey boys & girls, I'm alive but I've been in the hospital since Monday afternoon. R brought me to the emergency with shallow breathing. They ran a slew of tests on me and so far I've been told I had a lot of fluid in my left lung and around my heart and a severe case of asthma. No wonder I couldn't breathe well, huh? The fluid is lessening in my lung but there is still fluid around my heart and so far all 3 doctors that are caring for me can not figure out the reason for this and are keeping me here til they get an answer. They've done many x-rays, CT Scan, and two Echo Cardio Grams, along with the many many blood tests. I've been on oxygen since my arrival on Monday and I'm getting my asthma medication through a nebulizer every few hours so my breathing is much better, yay hospital staff! I'm on antibiotics, prednisone, a diurectic to get rid of the fluid, a high blood pressure medicine because it was sky high which is unusual. Anyway, the hospital staff is taking great care of me but I wish I could go home soon. Please keep me in your prayers and as soon as I can blog or tweet again, I'll update you on my health. BTW, the hospital blocks twitter and facebook on laptops here so I'm blogging for now on R's laptop when he brings it. I might be able to tweet from my son's phone...we will see.

Bye for now and I'm sharing a couple of pics of me and my hospital room.

:-)

Susan

Upset Spirits?

As of today, we still have not found a place to move in to.
The looking, the calling, the seeing in person, is such a drain especially in the summer weather. And with my asthma and migraines, the looking almost kills me.
Then people out and out Lie to us! One A-Hole said we could move in right away and have the rest of the month of July Free Rent, then when we showed an interest in the place, he said totally negated and said we needed first and last to move in! *insert scream here*
Other places say they take dogs...we show an interest in the available apartment in person and then we are told that the building with the vacant apartment does Not take dogs and the building that does take dogs won't be available til the middle of August! Again, *insert scream here*
Why do people have such a hard time with the truth? Why do they feel a need to waste our time and theirs? Oh, and don't get me started on the Craigslist scams! They go something like this..."We are missionaries in Nigeria...we trust you...send us the money and we will send you the keys" Mmmhmm, right buddy, we were born Yesterday!
One good thing...well, it's not bad...is the shadow man has been appearing by the front door again. R saw him many times yesterday and the day before. This morning I saw the man who manifests himself as a non-see-thru human then he disappears! This time it was more than just his head/face. I saw the him from head to waist walking by the front door this morning. If his legs manifested I couldn't see them because he was on the other side of a half wall. At first I thought it was R walking by but then R peaked around a corner wall that was no where near the front door. We hadn't seem these two entities for a while now but maybe they are upset that we have to move. I'm not sure. I wonder if they will make their presences known to the new tenants?
The photo above is the view from where I was sitting and saw the male spirit.

Moving

I've been avoiding saying this out loud/blogging it but we have to move.
Right now it is a 100% chance that we have to be out of our house before the end of July.
We knew the move was inevitable but we had no idea until this past Monday that we had to be out so soon. Thank you Bankers for that short notice.
Given the fact that we don't really have a ton of $$ saved to move with, this may as well be a very interesting/scary adventure.
I guess you can say we've joined the ranks of many others being forced to move without really wanting to, so I can't really feel sorry for myself but quite frankly, this does suck! I hate moving. I haven't moved in 13 years! And now I'm in the worst shape health wise too which doesn't help in this situation.
At the same time, I'm not that scared. I should be, but I'm not.
I feel an overwhelming calm inside of me. Like I know everything will be okay. That we will all be alright, and this is all happening for a reason that is supposed to take place this time in our lives AND that this may well be the only way to get us into the next phase of our lives.
It helps to know that my son came to me with these exact words too.
Of course this doesn't mean we can sit on our laurels/asses! We have to look for a place to rent that will let us have our dog because she is a family member too.
Wish us luck, pray for us, send good thoughts and vibes because it all helps. Plus it would be ver cool Not to have to blog from the street, heh!

What's Up Doc?

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter you know I've been suffering with unusually bad asthma attacks for at least 3 weeks. I've gone to an Urgent Care which helped somewhat but I was still getting bad attacks. The kind where I can only walk to the bathroom & back to my recliner and be completely and utterly out of breath. Asthma is not supposed to be that bad while on albuterol and steroids, so I went to see my regular doctor yesterday (thankfully she fit me in) and had a good long chat with her about everything I'm worried about which included me having dizzy spells...the kind where the whole room starts spinning and also falling asleep without warning and falling asleep while standing up! I'm serious! She concluded that I don't have narcolepsy (which I thought I might) but this was all the result of sleep apnea. After a lot of explaining on the doctor's part, she finally convinced me she was right. I was not sleeping soundly at night, hence the falling asleep without warning! Do you know now how Freaky that is??? She/the doctor also said that was contributing to my room spinning dizziness. We talked about sleep studies costing about $1,000. and about those C-Pap face contraptions they give to treat sleep apnea but she told me the best way for me (or anyone) to get rid of sleep apnea is to lose weight. This must have been the umpteenth time the doctor has told me this but for some reason, I was ready to hear it and take her advice to heart...in other words I'm seriously ready to change my eating habits and lose the weight for my health and to get rid of this sleep apnea. Yay me!
I realize this is all timing. I haven't been ready for the longest time, years even to try to lose weight but also realized I had no idea how to eat healthy. I can understand how dumb that sounds but it is the truth. Ever since childhood I've just eaten whatever I wanted. The main reason I never learned to care about my weight or what I ate is because I was always always thin or thinnish. I remained like that until I had my son and then my metabolism seemed like it was broken. I still wasn't as overweight as I am now and I gradually got to this weight so I never really cared how much I was gaining and I could never really hear from my doctor (until yesterday) how much my weight was affecting my health. But it has all hit home now. Now I see the truth about myself and now I'm ready to do something about it.
Wish me luck, pray for me, send good vibes, make posters and then take pics of them and send them to me (kidding...unless you really want to) if you want to encourage me. It will all be appreciated!
Before I end this blog post I have to mention that my doctor says that losing weight and maintaining it is 90% what you eat and 10% exercise. I am going to believe her on this because she does Not have one ounce of fat on her. I also asked her what she eats and this is what she told me:
Breakfast is a grapes or berries.
11:30AM is a protein bar.
Lunch is 2 peaches.
Afternoon snack is cottage cheese.
Dinner is meat with vegetables.

That's it! And she is never hungry and has a Huge amount of energy, does aerobics and runs marathons! She told me to at least cut out rice, bread, potatoes and soda, and basically said whatever Susan (Me) likes it is bad for me, lol! Gee thanks Doc!

Wordless Wednesday 5/26/10

Baby Blue Jay

Yesterday we discovered a baby Blue Jay on the ground in our backyard.  Now we have to go outside with our Dog to make sure she doesn't step on it accidently.  The parent Blue Jay is feeding it and trying to get it to fly but so far no luck.

Photos from May 14, 2010

Things About Me

Things about me, May 7, 2010.

If you're curious to know a little bit more about me, here goes:

I have a potty-mouth but most know that about me.

I curse often.

I believe in the power of prayer.

I pray often.

I see ghosts.

I'm a little psychic. I say a little because I really don't know how to control it.

I'm an easy laugh.

Injustice infuriates me!

I believe everything is made up of energy and energy can be manipulated, thrown, sent, residual, good, bad and healing.

I'm an empathic.

I can see evil in a face/eyes.

I listen to that voice inside that tells me of danger.

I am a seeker of Truth.

I am a thinker way more than a talker.

I need alone time once in a while.

I love music, movies and books.

I love coffee!

I savor quiet moments.

I still have to fight my shyness in person.

I've always had visions.

I had a visions of my son years before he was born.

I had visions of R years before I met him.

I had a vision of my grand babies! But not of their mother, darn!

I rather go barefoot but wear flip flops most of the time.

I was born and raised in Los Angeles.

I've been told I was dying at least three times in my life.

I'm usually afraid that I am not doing as much as I can to better this world.

If I love you I will fight for you until my death.

Every single time I sit down to blog my neighborhood goes berserk with noise.

One example is The Demented Drummer and the other is The Neighborhood Dogs and/or Small Planes:

Awake?

An interesting strange incidence occurred this past week.

In the light of day again I might add.

I've tried to forget about it but it keeps gnawing at me.  My memory won't shake it.  It won't let it go so I guess I'll blog about it...

One afternoon I was taking a nap in the recliner in front of the television.  Our dog was also napping on the floor in front of the tv.  When I woke up, I was still too tired to move or get up.  I remembered I was alone in the house and I could see the dog sleeping.  I was awake for about five minutes but closed my eyes just to relax and savor the quietness of the afternoon.  I could hear the birds chirping outside, the neighbors moving around their trash cans and...a female voice that sounded like someone was standing in front of my television that said, "be careful".  Wait!  WTF?!?! I immediately opened my eyes and no one was in the room with me!  At the very same second I heard this voice, our dog jumped up startled from her sleep and tried to scramble away but she get slipping on the floor.  It seemed, (and of course I can't be certain of this), that the dog heard the voice too and if there was someone in the room with us, it would have been right next to our dog where she was sleeping.  "Be careful"  Clear as a bell.  In the sweetest, kindest female voice.  It wasn't a whisper.  It was a soft, clear, and a loud enough voice to wake up the dog.  A voice that startled me because I was home alone.  Could I have fallen back asleep and dreamt this? It's possible but I distinctly heard the outside noises of the neighborhood.  Of course I could have been dreaming that I heard the outside noises of the neighborhood but I feel 100% certain that I was awake.  Then there is our dog.  She was startled by something at the same exact moment.

I wish I could prove this happened while I was awake but I can't.  The only way I could prove it is to have cameras all over the house running all the time but I can't afford that, heh!  Until then I'll just keep blogging.

Kitchen Ghost?

We've always known we have more than one spirit in this house. One we call the kitchen ghost.  She or he is in the kitchen quite often. Either moving things around. Banging on pots or dishes. Touching R on his back while at the sink! The kitchen ghost has appeared as a white mist to me. Once I turned from the sink to the refridgerator and walked right into it!  The other night I was rinsing the dishes off to load into the dish washer, R was in the family room on his mac and no one else was in the house.  I kept feeling a presence behind me and of course when I looked around no one was there. This feeling happened several times but wanting to get the dishes over with I just ignored it.  On this particular night the overhead sink light went out so it was a bit darker where I was standing and you would think it would be harder to see shadows right? Wrong.  As I was half way done I felt a strong presence again and automatically glanced over to my right and there on the kitchen counter was a dark shadow! I could clearing see the outline of a head, neck and shoulders.  All I could say was, "oh gosh!"  And then it was gone.  I called out to R who was still sitting in the other room and told him what I just saw.  He came over and I showed him where the shadow was and we tried to recreate it.  R would stand in different spots until his shadow was in the exact location as the dark shadow I saw.  We concluded that it was if someone was standing right behind my right shoulder to cast the shadow in that spot.

The day before yesterday I was on the computer with my back to doorway from the kitchen.  I heard footsteps coming towards me and then heard them enter the family room that I was in.  Without looking I asked who it was.  No response.  I turned and no one was there nor in the kitchen.  Then I realized I was all alone in the house in the afternoon!  Just another day at my house.

Wordless Wednesday

Man Face

Finally! I get a chance to blog again.  This blog starts with this past Sunday, Valentine's Day.  It was about 10AM-ish when I was looking into the front bedroom . As I closed the door to the bedroom my back was to our hallway. As soon as I turn around, there at only an arms length away from me was a face of a man. Just a face.  But a face as clear as I can see any human being right there looking at me. He seemed to appear for only half a second.  But his details were amazing!  He was fair skinned. A normal looking mouth and nose. I didn't see much of his hair. Just the little bit that framed his face which looked light brown and a little wavy.  And his eyes were light in color. I believe they were blue. But like I said  he seemed to be there for only half a second.  It happened so fast that all I could say was, "oh!" And then he was gone.  I look back at this incident now and it was probably more like 2 or 3 seconds.  The whole thing was so fast.  I didn't have time to think, be frightened or think of asking him anything!  I didn't even get a sense of what he wanted. He was just there looking at me.  Looking right into my eyes.  He was approximately 5' 9".  I have no idea who he is or why he's here.  This is the second time I've seen a face in my house...I mean a face detached from a body...looking very human and alive.

Another incident happened on Tuesday.  I was in the bathroom combing my hair in the mirror.  The bathroom door was open half way at the time.  When I turned to go out I saw a shadowy grey figure walk fast right in front of me.  All I could make out was the right arm and leg moving. I poked my head out into the hallway but there wasn't anyone there.  I asked the men-folk if it was them walking by and they said no.  They were both on their computers in the family room which is on the other side of our house.

*Cue Twilight Zone music*

Shadow Man In The Sun

I've been wanting to blog for over a week now but I'm having too much pain in my legs and knees to sit at the computer for too long. It's very frustrating.

Anyway....I wanted to share what I happened last Wednesday, January 27. I went outside to lock our backyard gate and glanced over the fence and saw something unusual. Across the street at a neighbor's house it looked like a person was trying to hide so I wouldn't see them. First I thought it was the neighbor that lived there and I thought, "why is he trying to hide from me?" It looked like this person was trying to hide in their front courtyard behind a post. I could see a head in the shadows glancing out from behind this post a few times. My second thought it was a someone was trying to break into their house! I thought I better hurry up and lock our gate then get ready to call the police. I locked our gate, looked up again over the fence and this person, came out from behind the post, turned his head and seemed to see me looking at him, then ducked behind the post again. All this time this person looked like he was covered in the shadows of the afternoon so I could not make out any details of hair color or facial features but it did have the shape of a man. At this point my dog who was outside with me started acting agitated. It was obvious she sensed something strange. Then (and trust me, I know how weird this sounds) this man jumps out of the shadows into the afternoon sun and turns towards me, standing with his legs and arms apart and I finally get a good look at him. He was definitely in the shape of a man. I could even see the shape of a little bit of hair on his head BUT there were no features on this man. He himself was a dark shadow! A three dimensional shadow person. Outside standing in the afternoon sun, looking at me! At this point I don't mind telling you I was completely freaked out and was little afraid it was going to start walking towards me, so I got myself and the dog inside as quickly as possible. I said a prayer of protection to calm my nerves then I got my camera and looked back out across the street. He was gone! I was nervous, disappointed and relieved all at the same time. I was all alone in the house then, but the nerve wracking part was that I actually saw what we usually see in our house outside in my neighborhood! That hasn't happened here before this time. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what was going on. And my dog was still acting very nervous. I remained watching out the door to try to capture him on camera but he/it never returned.

When I saw R later that day I told him about it and he wondered if it was the same shadow person we see inside the house. We have no idea. There is no way to know that for sure. Hopefully I will feel better from my leg and knee pains so I can do the research on this house and neighborhood. Until then, this will all remain a mystery.

I'm Alive!

They say even good news can cause stress.  When I looked at the calendar this morning and saw the date, I understood why I've had a twitchy eye.

Three years ago today on January 19, I was told by an emergency room doctor that I should say goodbye to my family because I was dying.

My blood tests confirmed that I had ITP for the second time in my life.  The only way to save my life was with a blood platelet transfusion.  Unfortunately that morning a match for my blood type could not be found in their database for the entire state of California. With ITP I was dying. Without a blood platelet transfusion I would certainly die.

A healthy platelet count is approximately 200,000.  When it gets to 50,000, it is considered life threatening. At 10,ooo, your chances of survival are extremely slim. In fact you are not considered to be able to survive.  When I arrived at the ER, my blood tests showed my count was a mere 1,000. One thousand.

After the doctor left me, I immediately called my mother and explained what my situation was and asked her to get me a priest right away so I could receive the last rites. I also asked her to to call everyone and have them call everyone they knew to pray for me because it was going to take a miracle for me to stay alive. Very soon I was on prayer lists with churches, relatives and friends of friends.

Next I asked R to trade places with my son in my room so I could speak with him.  Do you know how hard it is to tell your child, even an adult child that you've been told you are going to die. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest!  I had a talk with Jimmy and made some requests with him on his life after I was gone. When I was done he told me to shut up!  LOL! He basically said I wasn't going to die and that he wouldn't hear me say it.  I told him that I didn't want to  and that I was praying for a miracle and I believe in miracles but just in case things needed to be said and taken care of.  What broke my heart the most was the thought of being away from my son. I still get teary eyed thinking about that time.

I received a call from my mom saying she had a hard time finding a priest. Some were on vacation, some had the day off, others were booked but she did call several churches and finally one priest was on his way. After I received this sacrament and was absolved of all my sins (oh yeah, I believe in that) I started to feel at peace. Afterwards the doctor came in and said they found a platelet match for my blood type! But it was in San Diego. A minimum two hour drive without traffic to where I was located.  And this was a Friday morning at 8AM. The traffic would be horrendous! Still he requested they drive it up in an ambulance to our hospital. Now all we had to to was pray that I'd still be alive when the San Diego platelets arrived.  Yup, that's all!

As I sat in an ER bed waiting in a hospital gown, I noticed all the spots on my arms and legs. Spots are the only symptom you have when you get ITP.  It doesn't hurt at all. There is no sick feeling, no fever, only tiny little red spots which are indication that you are bleeding under your skin. ITP is when your blood platelets count is so low that your blood can no longer clot. You can bleed to death either by a cut or internally. So when you see these spots all over, you are in fact bleeding internally.

When my mother arrives at the hospital, she and my son tell me they saw an ambulance in parking lot and wonder if it is my platelets. A short time after the ER doctor comes in and confirms it. They made the drive in 2 hours on a Friday morning in traffic! That in itself was a miracle.  The hospital checks me into a regular room and hooks up me up to the platelets.  It looks like a large plastic bag of apple sauce going into me. I was also given Prednisone and antibiotics. During my hospital stay, I had to have blood test every two hours to keep an eye on my platelet count.  Pretty soon the blood techs (i forget their true name) or as I called them, the vampires, nicknamed me spiderwoman because the only place they could get blood out of me was on the inside of one of my wrists.

My body started doing what it was supposed to do and my platelets multiplied on their own.  After a sufficient amount of time I was released to finish recovering at home.  At my next hematologist appointment he told me hardly anyone survives ITP one time and No One survives it twice like I did! He said I was a miracle. He still thinks he should check my count every six months and I'm grateful for his precaution. I happen to enjoy my life but I didn't come out of this trauma unscathed.  I ended up with a severe panic disorder, some OCD, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I can no longer drive freeways and just about a year ago started driving again on streets.  Gone are the day where I didn't worry about the little things or things I couldn't change.  I am more neurotic than I've ever been but....I'm alive.  *eye twitch*

:-)

The Long Arm of The...

The past few days and last night have been fairly normal, but this past Wednesday night was a little fun. R and I were watching our Dexter DVD, when at the same time we both saw a huge shadow move along our kitchen cabinets. I didn't say anything but R shouted he saw it and asked if I did and I answered yes. We were both relieved we saw it in the same spot at the same time. Makes us feel like we aren't losing our marbles.  We both described this shadow as a huge, long looking arm that waved itself from the bottom of the cabinets to the top of them then disappeared. We scrambled for our camera but nothing showed up in the picture. We looked around to see if anything could have made the shadow but the blinds were closed and no one was in the house at the time but us, plus since it was made between the kitchen light on the ceiling and the cabinets, I would have seen someone standing or moving there from where I was sitting in the next room.

After this incident its been quiet in the house. 

Attached is a photo of my view of the kitchen that night. 

Paranormally Normal

As long as I can remember, I’ve had experiences that you might call paranormal.  Even so, I am not one to jump to the conclusion that something seemingly paranormal is in fact just that, but when I and others see a dark three dimensional form in the shape of man walking around our house, I find it hard to debunk.

Many unexplainable things have been happening in our home for a number of years. Sounds of dishes crashing in the kitchen in the middle of the night or day when no one is there and upon investigation, nothing is out of place. Objects flying off counters and tables for no reason.  Footsteps up and down our hallway and by the front door. Mists appearing. Shadows going along cabinets, walls, ceilings, when there is no movement from anyone. Voices of a woman, and one of a small boy, that sound like they are in the room with you but you are the only one there. But the real kicker is this dark three dimensional form in the shape of a man. We’ve been seeing him off and on for a while but only at night. He appears to be walking from the dining room area in to the front door and into the hallway where the back bedrooms and bathroom are located. And walking the same path in the opposite direction.  Now he is appearing in the daytime and with more frequency. Once R saw this male spirit walk right past me and I didn’t see him.  We’ve been trying to capture this on video and/or photographs but without any luck. Usually when you are home alone footsteps can be heard walking in the hallway. One such afternoon I heard those footsteps when I was getting out of the shower so I opened the bathroom door and continued to hear them walking back and forth in front of me. I wasn’t scared. I was perplexed. I wanted to deny they were footsteps but I couldn’t find a reasonable explanation to debunk the sound.  Before seeing this male spirit I always had the feeling that the footsteps were of a man. Maybe he is finally manifesting himself so we can see him too. Why? I don’t know. I plan do some research on this property to see if it’s history can shed any light on what is happening today. If I find anything interesting, I’ll share it here.

Oddly I feel happy and more hopeful about this new year than I ever have felt before with any other year. Normally…ok Never do I ever give a darn about starting a new year. I’ve always felt this way. But today is different and I’m grateful for it.

Looking back this past decade has changed me. I’ve been hospitalized three times and two of those times I was told I was dying. Actually dying. One of those times was a staph infection and the other time was from I.T.P.  The other hospitalization was when I fell through a glass window. I lost a lot of blood and went into shock because of it. But somehow God granted me the grace and spiritual strength to get through all of those times. I can write in more detail about those times at a later date. Right now I just want to get this blog started as one of my new year’s resolutions. I figure that I can’t afford therapy so might as well try blogging. Writing has always made me feel better but I’ve never taken the time for myself to write daily or often. This year will be different. This year, I have to pay more attention to myself and what will make me a healthier happier person. I will be honest with my feelings and my past experiences no matter how strange, odd, or crazy they may sound. So Happy New Year everyone! May this year bring you all blessings, joy, good health, prosperity, wisdom, discernment, patience, faith, hope, love, compassion, emotional/spiritual strength, friendships, understanding, and the truth of everything in this world, and the courage to stand up for the truth and justice. 

Peace to all, Susan