Sunday, October 10, 2010

For Where Art Thou Sister

Yesterday, October 09, was my sister's birthday.
She turned 46 years old.
No one in my family knows where she is or has been for the last few months.
She has, for reasons unknown, successfully vanished entirely from our lives.
She will not answer emails. She has moved without telling us so of course we do not know where she is living now. She changed her phone number. Turned out that none of us had her work phone number nor did we know the name of the company where she worked!
I know it sounds strange now but she and I were not close. She would never return my phone calls when I left her a message. She would only call me when she needed my help. She and our brother were not close either, so I don't think they spoke on the phone at all. But I was shocked to find out that our mother didn't have her work information. Especially since I knew she has talked to my sister during the work day many times. When I asked my mom about this she said my sister would call her from work but block her work phone number. How odd. Even odder that my mom never mentioned that or the fact that she didn't have my sister's work company name till my sister went missing.
My sister has always had issues. She's had nervous breakdowns too.
There have been times when I've watched her dog for a weekend and she's come to pick her up and then my sister will act like she extremely pissed off with me. It's hard to deal with.
But she is my sister and I love her and I miss her. I hope she is okay and well and that one day she will come back.
Our mother thinks she came into a lot of money and this is why she has disappeared. My brother thinks our sister disappeared because our mom can no longer help our sister financially.
Me? I had a theory but I am no longer going to pretend that I have any idea what is going on in her head.
Happy 46th Birthday Sis! I hope it was a good one where ever you are.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Carbos Much?

Yesterday was my 1 month check up with Dr. L, my primary doctor.
At home my scale said I didn't lose any weight but the doctor's scale said I lost 3 pounds!
I so thought this was a victory for me! I didn't gain, I lost! Woohoo!
Dr. L thought I should have lost more in the past month. I agreed but I told her it wasn't as easy for me as it is for her to keep weight off. I've had an entire life time of eating what I want, when I want. And now I have to lose weight for my health. Specifically for my sleep apnea to go away so I can get a better nights sleep Annnd in the process, Dr. L says I will finally stop falling asleep during the day for hours and hours. Mmmhmmm. That's what she says. And she knows I don't entirely believe her on that, but I also said I'll do things her way in hopes that she is correct and weighing less will make me sleep, and feel better.
Dr. L's plan is for me to eat no more than 100 grams of carbohydrates per day.
Do you know how many things have carbos? Just about Everything dammit!
And with that new knowledge, I realized that I L-O-V-E carbos!! I've lived for carbos my entire life! Now I'm supposed to have next to no carbos? Yeahhaha! Much easier said than done Doc!
She was nice enough to give me flash cards (with pictures no less) that tells which food have carbos AND how many grams of this is supposed to make it easier. Sure it does. Well, in theory it does. In my reality? Not so much Doc!
But I am trying. Really I am!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I Need One Day

I don't know exactly what is wrong with me lately.
I don't want to say that I am depressed.
I feel like I am more in a funk.
I Need a Fun Day!
I Need a Disneyland or Universal Studios day!
I'll take any amusement park day.
I just need to forget all the worry and bitchiness of the world for 1 day.
That's all I ask.
One day where the heaviness of life, my life, isn't weighing down on my shoulders.
One day when I didn't have to worry about where we will live and who will "allow" our Dog who is our baby to live with us.
One day where family or strangers didn't try to control my life.
One day where I didn't have to worry if I am losing weight for my healths sake, or if my blood pressure is normal, or if I am going to have to yet again deal with another day of migraine pain.
If I didn't have to worry that the tooth that broke almost two years ago is infected because it started hurting again and I don't have dental insurance to have it looked at.
I don't want to feel bad that I have to borrow money to buy new eyeglasses so I can see correctly again. Just so I can FUCKIN' SEE correctly AGAIN!!
To Not be pissed that I still don't have any health insurance of any kind.
One day not to cry about the people that I can not help, the state of the world, our country, and the evil people who get away with their evil doings.
One day where karma actually did work.
One day where everyone in the world was kind and compassionate with each other....
Okay, I admit THAT will probably never happen...but wouldn't it be nice?
*deep breath*

I don't know if what I just wrote will make any sense to anyone but it doesn't matter.
I do feel better now.
Like something lifted from me and I soooooo needed that break in life.
Maybe I should blog more often?
Hmmm, that's a thought.